My Beloved Is Mine and I Am His...

In the midst of all of the very lovely homemade gifts, I find that what I have to offer are a few spiritual thoughts I've been pondering.

I love you. I have always loved you.

These were the words pronounced by our priest as he began his homily a week ago. He shared how God has been whispering these words deep in our hearts from the very first moment of our existence, over and over and over. He whispers them through the people and circumstances we encounter, in the quiet of our souls and in the chaos of our lives, over and over and over. And how very rarely we hear Him.

I love you. I have always loved you.

This holy priest reminded us that when we do take the time to listen and we hear that gentle whisper, then we know---truly know---in the very depths of our soul that we are LOVED, that we are LOVED by the One who made us, who made all of Heaven and earth. This knowledge, which carries us beyond all of our hopes, brings an indescribable joy, and that joy spills out into every dimension of our lives. Graced with this insight, we are spurred to fulfill the first great commandment almost effortlessly:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.

For when we truly believe in our depths that God loves us, we cannot help but love Him back. And when we fully honor the first commandment, our love naturally flows over to fulfill the second great commandment:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Love begets love. Just as the love I share with my husband radiates out to our children, the love I experience with God cannot be kept to myself but always bursts forth to shower my neighbor. It happens, not because of who I am or what I do, but because of the nature of love itself.

I love you. I have always loved you.

As our priest spoke these words, I felt that my ears were opened, and I heard the Truth that I've been longing to hear. Suddenly I knew exactly why my struggles have been so hard, why my burdens have been so heavy. For far too long, I have been trying with all my might to obey the second commandment without really obeying the first. Somewhere along the road I lost sight of my First Love.

Back in the early days of my marriage, I attended retreats and prayer meetings as part of the Charismatic Renewal. I know for some this is a controversial movement within the Church, but for me it was nothing but pure blessing. It drew me back into the heart of the Church, gave me a love for Scripture, and renewed my devotion to our Blessed Mother. I have never felt as close to God as I did then, have never been as able to center my entire life around Him as I did then. Yes, there is a danger in basing our faith and our love on emotion, because emotions flourish and fade, yet faith and love must remain steadfast. But if we never feel the love, it can be hard to know it is there.

Through the years, the seasons and locations of my life changed , and I have gravitated toward a more traditional form of worship. There is richness, understanding, and awe in my faith that wasn't present before. But looking back, I now see that there is also a danger in basing our faith and love on intellect alone. Too many times I have simply gone through the motions of my faith because it was the right thing to do, and not at all because I fully believed that God loved me and was truly deserving of all of my love. The commandment says to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and ignoring any one of those dimensions renders our love imbalanced.

The parallels between my marriage and my relationship with God are amazing---and I know this has been revealed throughout the ages and within the Bible---but still, wow. When I get so caught up in my own little world and neglect to give of myself to my husband, things quickly fall apart, we drift away from each other, and our kids often seem to pay the price. This always happens when I start taking our love for granted. I treat him as my partner and companion, knowing he is always there, but forgetting that he is my beloved first.

All of this can be said of my relationship with God as well. If I take Him for granted (as I have) and don't nurture a loving relationship with Him (as I haven't), He gradually fades into the background, without my even knowing it. Pretty soon I am trying to do everything---all the loving of neighbor---by my own strength. And I'm really not very strong.

So, how do I nurture a loving relationship with my Lord, a relationship of both passion and understanding? I'm not a nun and I certainly can't devote my life to praying and serving as a nun does. He hasn't called me to that and I'm not made for that. But I also can't use my vocation as a wife and mother as an excuse not to make time for pursuing my First Love. I know that I serve Him everyday in so many ways as I serve my family, if I do it with the right attitude. But there must be more. I must make some quiet time for Him alone in my heart. I must give my Beloved the chance to woo me once again.

I love you. I have always loved you.



"My beloved speaks and says to me:

'Arise, my love, my fair one,

and come away...'"

(Song of Solomon 2:10)